I have been at the COE campground solo for a week now. I wish I hadn’t chosen this particular site as it is really isolated from other people. In the past this would have been a good thing but now even seeing others is a relief. It’s funny how one day you don’t like people then the next you miss them.
The campground is busy on weekends but pretty empty on weekdays. I am glad to be back at work but honestly I don’t know if I will make it to year end. I need to bank all the extra money but I just don’t know if I can do it. It’s also hard to stay busy when you are away from you’re home base. I did go explore some local venues like the outlet mall, Bass Pro, Camping World, and a local actual mall. Seeing others was a relief but I ran across no one to actually talk to. I tried to binge watch some TV series on Hulu but it seems like suddenly every single show has someone doing CPR or losing a spouse. Having witnessed this makes watching impossible, maybe I just didn’t notice before. Overall it has been a decent week. I had a couple of old friends come by for a great visit. I really missed them and am glad we got to catch up.
I did have a couple of times this week that it all caught up to me. I know this will happen for a long time but hope that it will get better. It’s funny how the smallest memory can trigger it. I have a special rock I carry at all times. Dana loved her stones. She had these on her bedside table and they are supposed to have emotional healing powers. I had the twin to this one put with her remains. Having this with me makes me feel as if she is present on my new adventures. It may seem silly but it definitely brings me comfort.
Overall I guess I am doing “better”. Loneliness still creeps in at night. Singles sites are a joke and no one could ever be a close match to what I had. I am a shy person and probably could never meet anyone anyway even if I wanted to. If I had to rate my recovery now vs last week I call it even. Perhaps with a little more time it will improve. Next week I go back to home base for a week maybe having a little more interaction will help. See you then.