It has now been almost three months since Dana passed. So many things have changed and so many really have not. I did take a huge step towards starting the new chapter in my life. After 30 years I decided it’s time to retire. We planned carefully to make sure there was enough money to do this together starting at the end of this year. I couldn’t wait that long so as of June 30th I will be free.
You know it’s funny all the “rules” they have after the loss of a loved one. Number 1 is not to make any big decisions for at least a year. Do the people that make these “rules” even have a life? There is no sane person that can go an entire year under the best circumstances and make no big decisions. Not only that, what exactly is “Big”. For me, somedays just deciding to go outside was a big decision. I guess I blew that one. Then there is rule number 2.
You think rule number 1 is arbitrary, rule number 2 has no answer but you must follow it strictly “do not date anyone too soon”. Opinions are anywhere from 6 months to years depending on who you ask. Heaven forbid you dishonor your late spouse by being happy again. It’s like having a child die and saying “well no more kids because we can’t dishonor the one we lost”. No matter what anyone says or thinks the only person that can know what is “too soon” is you and it only applies to you. I can tell you the risk of being hurt again vs being miserable everyday is well worth it to me.
Fate is funny in how it handles things. Sometimes it comes and takes things away and sometimes it hand delivers them to you. Because being alone was making me miserable, I had been considering breaking rule #2. I signed up for a couple of dating sites, that’s apparently how you do it now, just to see what was out there. It didn’t take long to realize there is no way I can ever do this with a stranger. So many stories, so much baggage, so many unknowns. I only thought I was doomed before. Maybe it was “too soon”. As it is, fate brought me an olive branch. A long time friend and I were hanging out reminiscing and we really connected. We were very close back in high school but never actually dated. When you know someone it makes it so much easier to be open and honest about things and it feels so much more natural. In this stage of life being friends is a number 1 priority in any relationship. We have been on several dates and continue to grow closer. Of course there are some speed bumps but how could there ever not be. She has agreed when I hit the road we will figure out how to do it together. Most of the family is onboard. They know I have a level head and don’t do rash things. Those that are not onboard are still grieving for themselves and I understand and respect their opinion. They are not ready for me to move on but I can’t change my feelings and have to live for me. I can assure this to all, I am not in anyway “over it” and never will be. Just because I have a new companion does not mean I do not still love and miss Dana. She will forever be in my heart and nothing will change that.
On to the RV lol, now that liftoff is imminent, several thing on the bus have started to breakdown. Genny is acting silly, I have a random diesel leak, The FW tank drain is leaking ….. at least in retirement I have time to fix things. My loose schedule is to take a long trip before winter. Reality is first of the year. I want to continue to build on my new relationship and get everything working properly before heading out. There is, of course, planted in my head “do it now no more waiting”.
That’s all for this issue. I will try to remember to take some pictures and make some posts that are actually RV related. My life is still a conundrum but as time passes the focus is returning and I again have purpose. I will say it again though, “Seize the time… Live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again.”